I’m an introvert. I don’t talk much. I don’t do much. I look forward to any alone time I can get. I love quiet, silent hours by myself with just my thoughts or a book. It’s not easy for me to feel lonely.
And yet…More and more often, this foreign feeling has been showing up like a dull ache in my chest, coming out in leaky eyes as I talk to my husband at the end of the day. What’s wrong is met with “I just feel lonely.” It sounds so lame to me, but it’s the only way I know how to put it.
Ivo had Saturday and Sunday off. A combination of days that rarely ever happens.
We slept past 7:00am. Exercise looked like playing sports we both enjoy together. There was borrowed loveseat lounging while sipping on a first and second cup of coffee. Dishes and hard wood floors were left uncleaned until Sunday evening. Little projects were completed. Beer pong was played with friends. Big breakfasts were consumed and my heart felt full and content.
The front door opened and shut at 6:30 this morning, starting a new week where I’ll spend the majority of it by myself. But also starting a new week where I’m feeling so, so grateful and loved and not so achy.
There’s a small part of my overthinking brain that feels guilty for claiming this out loud and on the internet right now during a time where others that I love and care about are facing the possibility of not having a home to return to after evacuation from the fires.
This year is weird, and heavy and burdensome and it can be easy to get lost in the ache. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and as challenging as it might be, I’m going to spend the rest of 2020 fighting to be grounded in the good.
Whether that looks like a FaceTime call with my niece, a Saturday and Sunday spent with my husband, a good book, an audit of the accounts I follow on social media, a wave from my best friend as we pass in town, or an evening of cool, clear air. I’m going to find the good things for the next 4 months and camp out in them. Usually, I’d probably want to camp with the smallest amount of friends and family possible, but this time I’m making an exception. You’re invited too.
Love,
The lonely girl who loves to be alone
Love, Candace 
We were talking today about 30 years of marriage. The ups and downs, the what ifs and buts. It is something you work at constantly. It is hard, it is a partnership, take your together time and cherish it, take your alone time and reflect on it.
Talking is good but listening is better, you have a great family consult them when you need to. Above all be true to yourself and be patient good things come to those that wait. xx
I love joining you on your journey. I am very similar to you in my personality. Very introverted too so I understand so clearly the feelings you express. Here’s to both of us finding the good that God will show us all we notice the beauty that is indeed there in our broken world often in plain sight. Bless you Candace for being brave and sharing beautifully you kind and transparent heart.
Hey Lonely Girl…
I sure love you… and I love it when you walk through the door unexpectedly.
Ya know… Becca is gonna have a little more time alone since harvest season is here, and Amanda… Well you know, and Matt is unattached right now, so let me encourage you all to continue doing your sibling date/hangout sessions like you were doing. Also… Take advantage of the invites you’re getting to join them in some of their ventures.
We were made to be in community by a triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit). One of the things this fake pandemic is meant to do is keep people apart, from being intimate, from being friendly; which further depresses our immune systems (verifiable). We’ve all got to connect, and smile, and touch, talk and laugh and sing, and look into each other’s eyes. It is the way God designed us to operate… It is the way He operates!
Love,
Lonely Girl’s Dad