Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a pessimist 99.6 percent of the time..but I tend to believe that if you’re having a rough a week, or if you’ve been going through something hard for the past month, or if maybe you’re just super sad about something at the moment, things aren’t going to magically change for you when the clock strikes 12 on Thursday. You do not get a clean slate on January 1st. But it’s ok, cause I’m not the kind of girl who’s ever wanted one. My “slate” is messy and chaotic and it’s what’s made me who I am..and this past year played a huge role in that. 

There were big changes.

For example: I became single for the first time in a very long time. 

There were little changes.

For example: My leg muscles grew…like maybe a millimeter and a half.

There were wild and fun nights with some of my best friends. 

There were hotel rooms and cruise ships.

There were nights filled with campfire smoke and the sound of my family members laughing and talking together in our backyard.

There were spontaneous adventures.

There were weightlifting competitions.

And there were nights where I literally thought I might cry until my tear ducts gave up. 

I learned not to fear being alone.

I learned that it’s ok not to have a plan.

I learned what it feels like to go out of my comfort zone and actually like, you know…make friends. 

I learned to stop caring about what everyone else might think.

I learned to live in the moment.

I learned that it’s ok to make hard decisions some people may not understand.

I learned that I’m stronger than I think I am.

I learned what it feels like to be very, very lonely. 

And I learned what it feels like to be very, very content.

2015 was pretty much equal parts suck-fest and equal parts amazing. Sometimes the years that feel the hardest can also be the ones that are the most important though..and as much as I hate the idea of being sentimental about stupid things like this, I definitely think this past year is one that will forever be a stand out for me. But then again, who knows what’s coming? 

Love,

The girl who thinks a lot when she should be sleeping

Hi baby. Today I’m exhausted, and it’s fitting..because a year ago today I was exhausted too, only for a much different reason.

October 13th, 2014…you were born. At an ungodly hour of the morning, and I was there to see it all. 

You were perfect. Your little fingers grabbing at the air and your blue eyes blinking in the lights. I loved you so much then.

And I love you so much now.

You’ve killed me over and over again in the smallest ways.

The first smile you gave me.

The first time I made you laugh.

The first time you reached for me to hold you.

The first time you put your head on my shoulder to snuggle or the first time you let me dance you to sleep in my arms.

  
I. Love. You.

And I will love you just as much when you’re ten.

And I will love you just as much when you’re 20.

I can’t wait to see you grow up. To see you find what you’re passionate about and chase it.

I can’t wait to watch you be a big brother to other siblings someday. I know you’re going to be great, because your mommy and daddy are great big brothers and sisters too.

And I can’t wait to have a real conversation with you and hear all the thoughts that go through your mind. You’re getting so close! 

But for now I’m content to watch you learn, and smile, and laugh, and chew on things that don’t belong in your mouth, and steal the hearts of everyone you come across. You will forever and always be my first nephew. And that will forever and always be a special thing. 

Happy birthday baby! 

Love,

The crazy aunt who is slightly maybe a little tiny bit obsessed with you. 

I’m the best at assuming the “three point backing stance” and fully expecting my car to reverse while it’s still in park.

Im great at overthinking. Everything. All the time. Forever amen.

The best at taking long showers.

The most skilled at falling asleep in bed while reading, waking up to move the kindle off my face, and then not falling back to sleep…ever again. 

Super awesome at finding things in my car when I clean it out that I thought were lost forever. 

Efficient in leaving the house late for work.

The absolute best at eating things I shouldn’t…like pop tarts and ice cream and pop tarts and fries and cake and cookies and pop tarts. 

So good at hating my alarm clock. 

The best, like so so amazing with pretending that laundry doesn’t exist. 

A strength of mine for sure: awkwardness.

The greatest at ignoring email. 

I’m amazing at chewing on my fingers. 

Super awesome about waiting until the last second to fill my car up with gas.

Successful with tripping, running into things: people, walls, desks, poles..and falling down. 

Love,

The girl who’s great at just..SO many things. 

I remember this one interaction that I had with my parents like five hundred years ago or something. I couldn’t have been older than six, because we were still living in our old house. I was sick. And they came into my bedroom to change me into one of my dad’s t-shirts because of a fever. 

There wasn’t anything special about the moment. There wasn’t even anything special about the shirt. It was just a flimsy plain white undershirt that he had to wear under his CHP uniform. There was however, something comforting about all of it. About being cared for and being put in something soft and cool and huge.

This past week has been hard. And this past weekend was even harder. Usually I like to think of myself as a strong person…I try not to let things bother me. But, I’m not feeling very strong right now. 

Lately my life has felt kind of like how getting sick feels. 

Inconvenient

Disappointing

Pointless

No one wants to get sick…I mean, at least no one normal wants to get sick. And no one…wants the disappointing, life altering interruptions that come with…just, living. The kind that leave us thinking “What the hell was the point of that? Of all this?”

I wish more than anything I had answers. I wish more than anything I was still at an age where putting a big comfy t-shirt on could make me feel better. 

Right now all I can cling to is that I believe God has a plan for my life…and I might not know what that plan is yet, but maybe someday I’ll figure it out…and maybe when I do things will feel ok again. 

…And maybe next time I blog I promise it won’t be depressing. 

 Love,

The girl who can’t sleep. 

Hi. My name is Candace and I used to blog….this is my first post in five years so please feel free to chill out if it doesn’t make the most sense. 

Here are some majorest of major life events that have happened in the past five years:

10. I uh, strung two kipping pull-ups together today and then my arms said “nope.” And I could not for the life of me do it again…cause I mean, I tried SO hard…like three times. My commitment should astound you. 

0. I went over to a family’s house to meet up with some friends that were visiting. There were Carmelita bars. 

0.1. Carmelita bars are my love language. 

0.2. Carmelita bars are my soul mate.

0.3. I ate like…six. 

0.4. I didn’t regret it. Not even once. 

0.5….Because Carmelita bars are my love language. 

36. Our backyard got plants and stuff. (Please note. This a legitimate major life event, not a Candace type major life event.)

D. My nephew laughed at me and I died. 

D-92. So basically I’ve died like 500 times.  

50. I snatched 90 pounds last week. 

50.1. !!!!!!!!

1,237. My alarm went off at 6:50 on Saturday morning. I leaked tears and maybe cussed like five times because my brain doesn’t work that early and I couldn’t figure out how to turn the alarm off. 

4. I’ve begun to shave my legs more than three times a week. 

4.1. I’ve also begun to wear Nike shorts. 

4.2. Nike shorts are my love language. 

4.3. Nike Shorts are not my love language when they ride up…like every two seconds.

531. My sister just asked me to arm wrestle…it was a tie…I don’t know how I feel about it. 

Love, 

The girl with THE most major events happening like, every day. 

Currently I’m sitting next to my favorite miniature human while he sleeps and wishing my ears would pop because hi. We’re driving over Pacheco Pass. Because hi. My family decided to go to Yosemite. Because hi. I guess we just go on random weekend vacations. Because hi. Why not?

Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Working out at nine PM with a back pack strapped to my body that happens to be half the size of me.

Also. Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Listening to a man only four people away  to the left vomiting on grass. 

Also. Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Hearing the grumpy dude in charge tell you to drop to the ground and roll toward the left. … …

Also. Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Walking. Literally all night long. With over 20 pounds on my back.

Also, never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Having your best friend pointedly look at you as you stare back at her with pleading eyes until she says “you’re the lightest.” And two strangers throw you over their shoulders right as you realize you’ve been betrayed. 

…K fine. I’m being slightly dramatic about that one but whatever. 

Also. Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Men, just peeing in front of you with their backs turned cause they don’t care. 

…on a side note this is the second time I’ve had that particular experience and…it wasn’t any less strange the second time.  

…on another side note this is the second time I’ve had that particular experience and been a little jealous. Because girls can’t just pee whenever and wherever we want to. Our lives are just..so hard. Capeesh? 

Also. Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Walking into an ink black ocean that just happens to be negative two degrees at 4 something in the morning. 

Also. Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Sinking all the way up to my neck in the negative two degree ocean and proceeding to crawl out of the water. 

Also. Never in my life have I thought hey, you know what sounds fun? Having sand kicked in my face repeatedly as I crawl across the beach at  4 something in the morning. 

…For real. 
My hips are destroyed

I have a weird scrape on my side

My elbows and knees are bruised 

I actually heard my right trap muscle explode. 

It’s gone.

I checked. 

And I’m pretty sure I still have sand in my hair…or ear or belly button…I don’t know, pick one. It’s there. 

But!! Doing the goruck challenge with Silver and a few new friends was probably one of the hardest and craziest and hardest and funnest and hardest things I’ve done. 

Yeah. It was horrible. Yeah, there were times where I was questioning every life choice I’ve ever made because how the hell did I sign up for this willingly? 

But MOST of the time I was laughing until I felt like I was either going to cry or pee, or both,  and smiling and having a blast with people I enjoy being around. 

So yes, I’d do it again. Just don’t ask me to do it again this year or I will give you the ultimate side eyes. 

Love, 

The girl who lived through the Goruck…barely. 

So I have a car. Lots of people do. 

I lease my car. Lots of people do. 

My car is a 2014 Ford Fusion. Many people drive them. I see them on the roads all the time. 

My car has cloth seats. I’m sure a lot of other people who own/lease 2014 ford fusions have cloth seats in theirs too. 

I drink coffee.  A lot of people do. Like probably millions. 

I drink coffee out of a straw sometimes….no one else does this. I checked. 

When I drink coffee out of a straw, I don’t screw the lid on my coffee. Again, no one does this. I checked. 

My car has cup holders. All cars do. 

My coffee cup is tall and slender. I’m sure a lot of coffee cups are. 

Usually, when putting my coffee cup in the cup holder of my car, I assume that it’s secure. A lot of people probably assume this as well. 

I have a bad habit of spilling coffee in the mornings…hence, why I need the coffee. No one else does this. I checked. 

I fill my coffee to the brim of the cup in order to get as much into my little…fine. Ok, average sized body as I can.  Probably a ton of people do this too. 

Typically I keep napkins in my glove box. Many people do this. 

I’m out of napkins. I’m sure other people are out of napkins too.

This morning I created a coffee lake in my car…no one else did this. I checked. 

This morning I spewed expletives. 

Love, 

The non dramatic, only coffee spiller in the entire world. 

P.S. Who do you use to detail your cars? 

Number 3! I don’t really understand how, but like 5,000 U2 songs have made their way onto my phone. 

I probably can’t even name a single U2 song. 

Just kidding. I absolutely can’t name a single U2 song. 

I pretty much put the no in Bono. 

Number 12! I recently discovered that I make the dumbest jokes.

…like discovered it two seconds ago.

Number 105! For the first 24 years and 4 months of my life, I was pretty positive that I had no biceps. Turns out I do. They’ve shown up exactly…a milimeter. I know. Congrats to me. 

Number 27! Frozen Free Fall has officially ruined my social life. 

It’s either that or the fact that I might actually qualify as the least social person on the planet to begin with, so. 

Number 89! Last week I ranked 10,487 out of 12,536 women in the world of CrossFit. 

All I have to say is, at least I’m not 12,536th.

..Yet. 

Number 457! K this one isn’t really my Major Life Event… But it is the only actual one listed and um, I’m her sister so I can brag. 



Becca graduates from college tomorrow! I’m so proud of all the work she’s put in to her education and I’m also proud of her patience with the other girls she worked along side every day. Cause I mean, let’s just say that if I was being called “Ebola Becca” everyday, I probably wouldn’t just ignore them. 

She’s beautiful and smart and funny and crazy and insane and she pisses me off like no one else and she’s kind and sweet and can sometime be…the opposite of sweet but it doesn’t matter cause I love her. 

The end. 

Love, 

The queen of the run-on sentence. 

I don’t find Luke Bryan attractive…at all really.