Hi. My name is Candace and I used to blog….this is my first post in five years so please feel free to chill out if it doesn’t make the most sense. 

Here are some majorest of major life events that have happened in the past five years:

10. I uh, strung two kipping pull-ups together today and then my arms said “nope.” And I could not for the life of me do it again…cause I mean, I tried SO hard…like three times. My commitment should astound you. 

0. I went over to a family’s house to meet up with some friends that were visiting. There were Carmelita bars. 

0.1. Carmelita bars are my love language. 

0.2. Carmelita bars are my soul mate.

0.3. I ate like…six. 

0.4. I didn’t regret it. Not even once. 

0.5….Because Carmelita bars are my love language. 

36. Our backyard got plants and stuff. (Please note. This a legitimate major life event, not a Candace type major life event.)

D. My nephew laughed at me and I died. 

D-92. So basically I’ve died like 500 times.  

50. I snatched 90 pounds last week. 

50.1. !!!!!!!!

1,237. My alarm went off at 6:50 on Saturday morning. I leaked tears and maybe cussed like five times because my brain doesn’t work that early and I couldn’t figure out how to turn the alarm off. 

4. I’ve begun to shave my legs more than three times a week. 

4.1. I’ve also begun to wear Nike shorts. 

4.2. Nike shorts are my love language. 

4.3. Nike Shorts are not my love language when they ride up…like every two seconds.

531. My sister just asked me to arm wrestle…it was a tie…I don’t know how I feel about it. 

Love, 

The girl with THE most major events happening like, every day.