Hi.  It’s me…That girl that was blogging consistently for a while and then fell off the internet.  Yes, it is possible to fall of the internet.  See, I had this plan a few months ago.  It was great…I was going to water this little plant of mine that I like to call a blog, (but what is really just lots and lots of words about nothing put together in run-on sentences) and I was going to watch it grow and thrive and succeed because let’s face it, this is the closest thing in my life right now that resembles having a kid. Um….what? Nevermind.  I wanted to nurture my blog! And dag gummit, I was going to!!!!

Then I got sick.

No, it was not the flu, it was not pneumonia, it was a cold.  A cold.  A cold that took me down HARD.  A cold that made me fall off the internet.  A cold that made me go to bed at 10PM instead of 1AM, a cold that made me wonder about my nose’s ability to be rational…because what nose in their right mind decides to masquerade as a faucet?  I still don’t know what it was thinking.

I’m about three weeks into this cold, and I’m still not in the hundees when it comes to percentage.  I get better and then I get worse again and then I get better and then my body says “April fools!” to which I respond by yelling back angrily “IT’S OCTOBER!”

Right now I’m on the upswing again…and I’m hoping it’s going to stick…but who knows really?  Cause when your immune system looks like this……

Rather than this…..

Anything is possible.

I decided that since I haven’t written in a while though, I might as well catch you up on things that have been happening and things that I’ve been thinking lately.  Hold on to your hats, seats, and shoes ladies and gentlemen…because what you are about to read is without a doubt…riveting.

5.  It’s Fall now.  Yes, I know that technically it’s been fall since September 22^nd, but in reality…it has NOT.  I have been absolutely indignant with the Indian summer here for the past couple weeks.  I was pretty much determined from the beginning on wearing my sweaters, and boots, and lighting my autumn scented candles, and bundling up under blankets while watching football no matter how high into the 80’s the weather was.  However, now that it’s almost November, the weather has finally cooled off, leaving the air chilly and crisp, the leaves brilliantly red and orange, and I can successfully wear a sweater without….sweating?…I live a life of glamor obviously.  I just love this time of year.  The heater comes on and I get so excited because in my opinion, the smell of the heater is something that cannot be beat.

17.  Limiting my hours in the day from 8:00  to 10:00 rather than 8:00 to 1:00 or 2:00 really makes one prioritize…It also might make one a little more road rage-y while driving home from work….but not me of course.  It just might make….Someone be that way.

8.  I’ve tried writing a few times over the past month, and almost every time I fell asleep while typing.  I’m uh, probably the coolest.

13.  Getting out of bed in the morning is not my love language.

4.  I put Christmas music on my phone…I. Can’t. Handle. The. Excitement.

9.  This morning I spilled coffee into my eyeball.  It stung for a solid forty minutes afterward.  I felt like crying and giving myself a round of applause.  I did neither one of those things.  I might have sputtered though.

6.  I decided that I’m no longer going to paint my nails.  Because five minutes after I do it, they chip.  And usually I’m too lazy to take the polish off once I get it on.  At some points in my adulthood life I’ve probably gone 3 months with one teeny, tiny, single speck of color on a single finger nail…just waiting for it to fall off.  Like I said above, I live a life of glamor.

3.  Fantasy football is legitimately serious business.  I have never played football professionally.  I’ve been begged by NFL scouts to sign contracts and join their teams…But in the end I just really didn’t feel like any of the teams were a great fit for me.  So instead I’ve been playing Fantasy football…and I might be competitive….Like, I might have almost fought Colin over the Saints defense.

25.  I got a flu shot recently.  My arm is mad at me now.  And my immune system…

 

Is frightened.

Love,

Caffeinated eyeball.

Once Upon a time five years ago when I was a baby and thought I knew it all, I started college at MPC.  In my first semester, I spent a lot of my classes and free time with my good friend Nathan and our other friend Tee.  This was both good and bad.  Occasionally they wanted to kill me.  Ok, more than occasionally.  I was brilliant at being irritating and they both experienced the full effect of that.  One day in particular stands out to me though.  Nathan, Tee, and I had gone out to lunch, and we took Tee’s Bronco.  After we had ordered our food, we were parked in the parking lot eating and just talking before having to head back to school.  I don’t know what I was doing exactly, or why I was doing it, but for some reason I reached up from my perch in the middle seat to adjust Tee’s review mirror.  In the seconds following, there was a disturbing nails on a chalk board, gritty, gross, noise, and Tee’s whole entire review mirror was in my hand.  The ENTIRE mirror along with a chunk of glass attached to the back.  Somehow I had ripped it out of the windshield leaving a dent in the glass.  Tee stared at me in shock.  I stared at myself in shock.  I racked my brain and tried hard to remember if I’d been bitten by a radioactive spider in Chemistry class the day before, but I was coming up blank.  I had absolutely no explanation for what had just happened, and to this day I still don’t.  Here’s something I do know: Nathan died that day.  I have never seen anyone laugh so hard and silently at the same time.

Once upon a time three nights ago, my little sister hid a fake head in my bed.  I had been grumpy and tired because on Friday nights I’m an old lady and like to go to sleep early…and that wasn’t happening.  Finally at 1:00 AM I was mind numb and dizzy, and my eyes were puffy, and drool was leaking out the side of my mouth as I stumbled to my bed.  As I innocently pulled back my covers, there it was…a head.  A fake head with crazy horrible hair.  I gasped loudly and jumped about 10 feet in to the air.  I might have also said a four letter word beginning with S, but the jury is still out on that one.  As soon as I recovered, I yanked the head off my covers and marched toward Rebecca’s room.  I had plans to chuck it at her face, but I was laughing too hard to do it.  So instead I tried to stammer out that it wasn’t funny and that she really shouldn’t do it again.  I still don’t know if she’s taking me seriously about this or not, cause how stern can someone sound exactly while they’re laugh-talking with tears sprouting out of their eyes?

Once Upon a time fifteen years ago I was a middle child and I liked to keep up with the boys…wait, I’m still a middle child.  Once upon a time fifteen years ago I liked to keep up with the boys, and my Grandma had a backyard bigger than Narnia…with a pool in it.  Every year, the guys did something called a polar bear swim.  They’d get in their undies and dive in to the pool, swimming the length of it in the middle of winter.  I wanted to do the polar bear swim.  I wanted to dive in and swim the length of the wintery, unheated, icy, shark infested, chummed to the core, pool.  So I did.  I stood on a platform with my Dad, my Uncle Mike and Cousin Justin, and My Uncle John and two other cousins Colter and Daniel, and dove in.  I swam the whole length in the rude water that was relentlessly stabbing needles in to my skin.  I climbed the steps at the shallow end, found my mom, and then cried.  I was tougher back then.  Now I find my mom and cry just thinking about getting in cold water.

Hope you had a great Monday!