American flag shorts and running through a wheat field

Yesterday!!…was just one of those days that I felt way too cool.  Cruising in my Jeep Wrangler, windows rolled down, aviators on, feeling the warmth of the air outside, blaring country music, singing as loud as I could, wearing a loose t shirt, jeans with holes in them, and feeling my hair fly all around me as the wind rushed into my car.  Seriously…I was a rock star.  Times like those make me feel like wearing American flag shorts and running freely through a field of wheat…or riding a horse or something cool like that.  I felt confident, and carefree, and awesome.  I kept thinking “This is my definition of amazing.”…..And then later that night, when I was changing into my pj’s to sleep I was completely punched in the face by reality.

 (From etsy.com..I’m totally saving my money to buy these right now!)

My grandma had sent home some really big blood donor t shirts with my mom and she then gave them to my sisters and I to sleep in.  (Big t shirts and shorts are our  pj of choice for the Mann girls.)  So while getting ready to bed I walked into the dark hall where they were stacked, over to the pile and grabbed one without even looking and threw it on a few minutes later.  Not even .2 seconds after I walked into my bedroom to go to SLEEP, one of my sisters states “You would pick the ugliest one” and that’s when it hit me.  Her comment hurt a little, but it wasn’t surprising. I hear comments like that often and most of the time they have some affect on me…but I don’t give them much time.  Last night though, when I was going to sleep?! It bothered me that wearing an ugly t shirt to sleep in would be something to comment on and it sparked some thoughts.  Here is what I started thinking:

 My sisters are gorgeous..and lets face it…My brother is a lady killer too…(but this isn’t about him!) Anyway, they are both stunning.  (Amanda, my older sister with her Fiance below.)
 (Rebecca, My younger sister playing model for me)
Both of my sisters dress cute, they wear dresses, tights, boots, cute shirts, cute pants, scarves, vests, jackets, cardigans, blazers, and button up collar shirts.  They know fashion and style and use it to their advantage on a daily basis.  They do their make up and hair most days and make an effort to look nice…and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with that.  I, on the other hand, live in jeans, T shirts, pull over sweatshirts, and either Toms Shoes or 7 year old Ugs.  I hardly ever take time to do my hair and I put on the least amount of makeup possible on most days…and I am criticized by multiple people because of it…and there is ABSOLUTELY something wrong with that.  This people, is me.  

I have never considered myself to be a girly-girl.  Instead, I have always been the girl who…
*practically bit through my bottom lip from messing around on a skateboard when I was young,
 *wore camouflage cargo pants when I was in Jr. High…(yes, you did read that correctly.)
*shocked a boy at how fast I could climb over a fence
*Jumped off my roof with my best friend and guy less than 24 hours before I went on my first missions trip, and had a sore ankle for a few days after.
*has big, ugly, scars on my knees from learning to skimboard and repeatedly falling on the sand until my knees would bleed.
*fell flat on my back from trying to jump from a pole to the roof of a bowling alley because my (guy) friends could do it.

*tried and tried and tried again to snowboard for a whole entire day, fell flat on my face EVERY time and still didn’t stop until I had the hang of it.
*did this (below) to my back last summer from trying (and failing) to flip into a swimming pool over and over again.  Don’t worry…the lighting makes it look a lot worse than it actually was. 😉

THIS…is me.  It is who I am. I know I don’t fit into the normal pretty girl mold..but I DO think that I am pretty inside and out.  People criticize and make fun of how sloppy I dress..and honestly, reeeally, I promise!..I do like dressing up occasionally! I LIKE looking “gorgeous” and feeling fancy and putting more makeup on than usual..but it’s not the norm for me and that should be ok.  I don’t believe that I should want to dress cute or stylish because I feel pressure from society or the world to do so…I should do it because I want to.  Being normal, (the way I am) is something that I am ok with!  No matter what I wear, I still have the ability to feel confident, comfortable, and even sexy! It’s an attitude that comes from inside, not from the clothes I put on…and those are my thoughts.  Feel free to disagree.  =)

Leave a comment